


The Dank Lemonade Stand

by OvarianEruption



Category: Dissidia Duodecim: Final Fantasy, Dissidia: Final Fantasy, Kingdom Hearts, Super Smash Brothers, 新・光神話 パルテナの鏡 | Kid Icarus: Uprising (Video Game)
Genre: 4/20 Blaze It!, Alternate Universe - Crack, F/M, Nintendo Mansion, Square-Enix Mansion, lemonade stand
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-14
Updated: 2016-01-14
Packaged: 2018-05-14 00:38:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5723035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OvarianEruption/pseuds/OvarianEruption
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dark Pit and Viridi open up their very own lemonade stand which not only sells the famous beverage and accompanying sweets, but they have one special ingredient which makes everyone come to it: WEED.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Dank Lemonade Stand

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a funny one-shot after reading all of those 4/20 Viridi excerpts from SuperSmashBrothersFanfiction on tumblr and those Nintendo GoAnimate videos. Enjoy!

One sunny afternoon in Smashville, Viridi the Goddess of Nature and her assistant Dark Pit were finished setting up a stand in front of the entrance to the Nintendo Mansion. That stand happened to be a lemonade stand which sold the obvious namesake along with baked goods. However, little did the customers know that the baked goods and lemonade were spiked with a bit of dank kush AKA weed.

“Boy will the customers be feeling it when they get to that good shit in the lemonade and all of the desserts!” Viridi cheerfully exclaimed. “420 Blaze it!”

“I can’t wait!” Dark Pit happily said with a smirk. He then looked out to the road to find Zidane from the Square-Enix mansion riding his teal scooter with Shantotto and a Chocobo chick riding in the sidecar. He stopped the scooter to have a glimpse at their stand.

“Lemonade, brownies, cookies, cupcakes…” Zidane read the tags which were next to the desserts.

“You ought to try the brownies!” Dark Pit recommended. “All natural cacao and gluten-free!” 

“And you’d probably want a lemonade considering you traveled several acres to come by.” Viridi also recommended. The two obviously knew what was in both of the recommended items: some of that great shit.

“That sounds yummy!” Shantotto cheered, opening her coin purse. “One lemonade, two brownies, and a cupcake.

“I have three dollars!” Zidane said, pulling the folded bills from his pocket. “A lemonade and a cookie please.”

“Awesome.” Viridi said, giving the two their goods and taking the money. 

“Here you go Kiwi.” Shantotto said, giving the Chocobo chick the cupcake in which the innocent bird pecked into. 

“Uh Shantotto, I don’t think Kiwi is suppose to be eating that.” Zidane said.

“Oh it’s fine. I’m sure Cloud won’t mind.” Shantotto told him.

“Okay. Let’s get back to the mansion then!” Zidane said, waving goodbye to Dark Pit and Viridi. “Nice doing business with you!” 

He then drove away. Dark Pit and Viridi evilly laughed, knowing that the two Final Fantasy characters have a lot in store in the next thirty minutes.

 

_Thirty minutes later, back at the Square-Enix mansion…_

 

**“SQQQUAAAAKKKKKKKKK!!!!”**

 

Kiwi was hyper-active, screeching and running all over the second floor of the Square-Enix mansion. Cloud Strife and Squall Leonhart, spotting the reckless chick, ran after it in hopes of catching him. 

“What is up with that pet Chocobo of yours Cloud?!” Squall panted, watching as Kiwi dashed towards the bedroom door of Cecil Harvey and dashed away from said door. He paused as he lost his breath from running all over the second floor. Kiwi was really fast for being a three week old chick.

“I have no idea.” Cloud said, stopping himself to stand next to Squall. He rubbed the sweat off of his forehead. “Hell, I don’t even know how he let himself inside of the mansion. He’s suppose to be at the barn.”

“SATAN FUCKING JUDAS!” 

Cloud and Squall turned to find Tifa Lockhart and Noctis Lucis Caelum watching Zidane scream as he was making (rather steering) doughnuts with his teal scooter in the ballroom of the mansion. The two ran up to them, seeing as they were quite shocked.

“It’s like fucking Beauty and the Beast for white trash.” Noctis compared, knocking on the windows of the closed doors. 

“How the hell did Zidane bring that scooter up here?” Tifa wondered, then looking to her smartphone. “I’m texting Terra and Cosmos to come over.” 

“Cloud!” Squall yelped. “Kiwi just entered Sora’s bedroom.”

“How?!” Cloud asked. “His door is always locked.”

“CAAAHHHHLLLOOOOUUUUUDDDDDD!!!”

“Oh shit.” Cloud panicked, then dashing to Sora’s room with Squall following along. They went inside of the bedroom to find Sora being pecked at by Kiwi.

“Help! Your damn bird is trying to eat me!” Sora screeched.

Cloud had no choice but to do a wrestle—WWE—John Cena leap onto Sora, who screamed in fright of Cloud’s cold body hitting him. Sora didn’t have a fucking choice: it was being pecked by a Chocobo chick or squished by Cloud for one time. Cloud successfully got a hold of Sora and Kiwi, who squawked in agony of who got a hold of him. 

“Oh my lord! It’s noon-thirty and I’m trying to sleep!” Cecil yelled, entering Sora’s room. “What the fuck is going on?!” Cecil then saw Cloud trying to comfort both Sora, who was still crying,  and Kiwi, no longer screaming in rage, from Cloud’s WWE attack while Squall snickered in the corner of the room, putting this incident on his SnapChat. 

“Why is Kiwi in here?” Cecil asked Cloud. “He’s supposed to be at the barn!” 

“I have no idea Cecil.” Cloud explained. “Squall and I were heading downstairs to go eat lunch when suddenly, we saw poor Kiwi here screeching like he listened to Bullet For A Valentine, Pierce the Veil, or that screamo shit music Prompto and Noctis like to listen to. I don’t know who brought him here.”

“Also Zidane is in the ballroom doing doughnuts with that gay scooter of his.” Squall mumbled, looking at his Twitter feed on his phone.

“I don’t know. I’m seeing the gay one here.” Cecil teased to Squall, whose face instantly turned red. Sora, Cloud, and even Kiwi went “OHHHHHHHHHHH!!!” from that burn.

“Yo guys!” Tifa shouted. “Cosmos got a hold of Zidane!”

“Let’s check this shit out.” Cecil said, walking out of the room. Everyone soon followed. 

Inside of the ballroom, Cosmos got a hold of Zidane with a headlock while Terra assisted her, holding a breathalyzer in her hand. Zidane kept squirming, trying to escape Cosmos’ hold.

“Oh no!” Cosmos screamed. “You’re taking this test! Now open up!”

“Nooooo!” Zidane screeched, trying to avoid the breathalyzer which Terra tried to stick in her mouth. Tifa helped Cosmos out by grabbing ahold of Zidane from his lower body as Terra stuck the breathalyzer in his mouth. The machine beeped, signaling a strong presence of a drug substance in his body.

“Holy shit.” Terra muttered, then looking to a struggling Zidane. “What in the world did you do?”

“Ladies!” 

The women, along with everyone who was watching along from behind the windows of the ballroom, turned to see Ignis Stupeo Scientia walking into the ballroom with a drunken Shantotto resting in his arms. 

“You can not believe who I found on top of the chandelier in the kitchen.” Ignis said, showing them Shantotto who moaned loudly, with bright pink eyes. 

“Oh crap.” Terra said. “Zidane and Shantotto are both intoxicated with some drug substance that’s made them lose it.”

“I can tell what drug it is!” Prompto Argentum stated, walking into the ballroom. Prompto got close to the mouths of Zidane and Shantotto and sniffed their breath.

“Woooo!” Prompto exclaimed. “Viridi’s stash! Aww, they could have at least told me!”

“WHAT?!” Noctis exclaimed, peeping his head in the ballroom door. “VIRIDI HAS THE GOODS?!”

“YEAH!” Prompto said. “LET’S GET TO THE NINTENDO MANSION!!” The two then dashed away from the room and went downstairs.

“Let’s go to the Nintendo Mansion alright.” Cosmos hissed.

 

_At the Nintendo Mansion…_

Viridi and Dark Pit were sitting in the breakfast area of the kitchen room, calculating the total revenue they had gotten from the lemonade stand.

“Wow!” Dark Pit said. “I didn’t think we’d make as much money considering we were on the access road towards Smashville.”

“Well we did.” Viridi happily said. “With the money we have, we may even get to have our own store!”

“Sweet.” Dark Pit said. 

“Hey Pittoo!” Pit called up, standing at the entryway of the kitchen. 

“What is it Pit-Stain?” Dark Pit rudely asked.

“Don’t you have anywhere else you could be stupid?” Viridi added, as the two evilly cackled. 

“Uh not until four.” Pit said, cringing at the obvious reference. “But anyways, there’s another goddess at the front door who want to talk with you guys.” Pit then left the room wondering what those two are always doing.

“It’s probably Dionysus’s fifth spouse.” Viridi told to Dark Pit as they walked to the entryway of the mansion. “He’s planning his Super Bowl 50 party and it’s suppose to have every great dank known to humans and gods.”

“Aww sweet.” Dark Pit said, opening the large front door by pressing a button on the nearby intercom. 

However it was nor the precious wine god who was standing or his fifth wife. It was actually Cosmos, the Goddess of Harmony.

“Oh fuck!” Viridi cried. “It’s Cosmos!”

“Ugh, it’s just Palutena’s conservative friend from the Square-Enix mansion.” Dark Pit complained. “What the fuck do you want?” He rudely asked to the goddess who began to summon-scream, which echoed throughout the whole mansion.

 

**“YOU AND DANK-ASS VIRIDI DRUGGED TWO OF MY WARRIORS AND A INNOCENT ANIMAL!! WHAT WERE YOU FUCKERS THINKING?!? I CONTACTED PALUTENA TO GET YOU BOTH GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED.”**

 

**“PITTOO!!! VIRIDI!!! GET OVER TO THE OBSERVATORY RIGHT NOW!!!”**

 

Dark Pit and Viridi were instantly teleported to the mansion’s observatory, where Lady Palutena’s bedroom and God headquarters were located. Lady Palutena and Pit were standing in front of them, angry.

 

**“PITTOO AND VIRIDI! HOW DARE YOU SELL WEED HIDDEN INSIDE OF INNOCENT FOOD AND PASS IT OFF AS A LEMONADE STAND?! BECAUSE OF YOUR STUPID ACTIONS, A LOT OF PEOPLE WERE INTOXICATED INCLUDING ZIDANE, SHANTOTTO, AND A CHOCOBO CHICK FROM THE SQUARE-ENIX MANSION. THAT’S IT: YOU ARE BOTH GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED FOR 242143274323 SECONDS! AS FOR PUNISHMENT, I WILL BE TAKING ALL OF THE MONEY YOU MADE OFF OF THE STAND AND GIVING IT BACK TO THE PEOPLE WHO PURCHASED FROM YOUR STAND! YOU TWO GO TO YOUR ROOMS NOW!”**

 

Viridi squinted at Palutena, disliking his speech. 

“Fuck you Palutena! I’m a Goddess!” Viridi hissed, signing her the middle fingers. “I’m never going to stop blazing it! She ran out of the room. 

Dark Pit merely frowned and walked out of the room.

“Fuck you Green Mom.” was all the dark angel said as he left the room.

 


End file.
